Dear Self,
I’m writing to you because I can’t think of anyone in particular who has let me down. Oh, I’m sure I’ve been disappointed by people, but generally I figure they have a good reason for doing what they’re doing. Plus, the real disappointment is usually not that they’re letting ME down but that they’re letting themselves down. I feel for them.

So, anyways, you and I need to have a talk. See, you’re 26 years old. You’re contemplating buying a house. You have a husband and a child. So…when are you going to learn how to clean your house?

I mean seriously, kid. Put down the cell phone, strap the kid on you, and GO CLEAN. You want to. You like it when your house is clean. So why don’t you clean?

Is it because of those frustrating hours you spent in your room as a child? I bet it is. I know you used to hate cleaning, it would take you all day to clean your bedroom! And now you have a whole house! Well, lady, I have news for you. You better get over it pretty soon, otherwise your child will have dog hair for dinner and you’ll never be able to set a good example. Time is running out. Get on the ball, lady.