Today I’m 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Far enough along that I can go into labor any minute, but not far enough along that I can be impatient about it.
I totally am though. Impatient, that is. I’m getting excited – I get to meet him soon! I get to have a baby soon! I get to start the process of reclaiming my body soon!
Just not right this minute. Ahhh!
Today I worked some on the baby book. Yes, I know the chances of me doing one for each child is slim, but I am still going to try! It was fun to fill out answers about how Justin and I got engaged (we decided to get married and elope while sitting in Arby’s… romantic, I know!) and talk about things we liked to do together.
It was not fun to write stuff about my parents in the past tense.
I’m OK, really. I’m fantastic, all things considered. I’m really hoping that I don’t completely fall apart during my labor and cry for my mommy, although it’s a real possibility. I think I get a lot of peace from knowing that who I am is directly related to who my parents raised me to be and me being able to handle this – me being strong even though I am in pain – that is a testament to my parents and proof that I’m carrying part of them with me. That’s a long, long sentence but I’m leaving it because it’s all true. My children will know my parents by the legacy they have left behind, by the stories that Justin and I will tell them, by the pictures they will see and the things that we will teach them.
When Benjamin learns how to whittle a stick he will learn about how my Dad taught me at the campfire. When we go fishing I’m going to tell him about the time Uncle Jake caught a fish so big that my Dad was the proudest guy at the lake that day. When he helps me in the kitchen (oh yes, yes he will) he’ll learn about how I worked in the kitchen with my Mom and Dad. How it was my Dad, not my Mom, that taught me the beauty in a loaf of homemade bread.
Gah, I have to stop, I’m gonna start bawling, but you get the idea.
I’m so excited that Justin’s parents are still here, that they’re such amazing people and that we have an entire group of extended family on both sides to call our own. I think that probably helps a lot, you know? It would be easy to focus on my parents not being here but it’s much happier and productive to be grateful that we have so many aunts and uncles and cousins and siblings that are going to be amazing parts of Benjamin’s life. And that doesn’t even tap into the great church family we have.
Yeah. I think I’m more grateful than sad. God has been good to us and we are, above all else, incredibly blessed.