Dear Mom and Dad,

I miss you guys so much.  I can’t believe you’ve been gone a year.  It’s flown by and dragged in so many different ways.  I’m almost done handling your estate… you guys suck for not having a will, by the way.  What a pain! But some good has come from it – I’ve preached pretty heavily about the importance of a will to my friends, and actually convinced a few to get one.  Their loved ones would thank you in advance, if they knew.

I hate how things ended for us. I hate that you guys are going to miss out on watching your grand kids grow up, I hate that I don’t have your advice to turn to.  I’m glad I have the memories I do have, though.  They comfort me when your loss hits me all over again.

I know you guys did the best you could do to raise us, I just wish you would have focused more on yourselves.  There was obviously a lot of unspoken pain that had never been dealt with.  On both your parts.  It kind of breaks my heart, because while we saw glimpses of it I don’t think any of us really realized the full impact of what we were seeing.  Of course, does anyone ever really understand? Hindsight being 20/20 and all of that.

Dad, do you remember the first anniversary of Grandma Marie’s death? It was May 2002 and I said something about it and you got so angry at me for bringing it up! It had only been one year, and I was still hurting.  I wanted to talk about it, to heal, and you wouldn’t let me have my say.  I think about that now and realize that you were hiding from the pain.  I’m so sorry that I didn’t see that at the time.  I’m not hiding from the pain of losing you, though, because it’s about time our family stopped repeating past mistakes.

Mom, remember the way your face crumpled up when you got the phone call that Nanny died?  I remember the way your voice broke and you wailed.  I did the same thing when I lost you.  I know it’s not fair to say I miss one of you more than the other, but if I’m honest then I miss you most of all.  I can’t call you while I’m in the store anymore and tell you about my day.  I miss the way you laughed and the joy that you made me feel.

Mom and Dad, not a day goes by that it doesn’t hurt me that you’re gone.  I think about the amazing things in my life that are coming up and I mourn your absence.  I wish you could still be here.  It’s only been a year and it feels like yesterday and a million years ago that you were here hugging me, telling me you love me.

I love you too.

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