For those of you that don’t know me, I’m a little fat. Ok, really, I like to say I’m big boned and slightly curvy but the real truth is that I’m fat. I am smart and dress to conceal it (or at least not let it hang out…) so most people don’t think I’m as fat as I am. But yeah.

In March, when my parents died, I started putting on more weight. It was understandable, I was stressed out and grieving, etc. I don’t blame myself for starting to gain weight, but as I was already feeling slightly self-conscious I decided to do something about it.

So, scheduling was a pain and it took me a bit to find out what to do. I knew if I wanted to get serious about getting healthier I would need someone to keep me accountable. So back in May I hired a personal trainer. I’ve been working out over 3 months and I haven’t lost any weight. Weiiiird right? I know! But the real reason I haven’t is because really, I love food.  And I live with people who also love food. And I love to bake bread, and do so weekly. The statistics just aren’t in my favor.

So, I finally decided that I needed to change how I was eating. I don’t want to diet, I don’t want to do weight watchers or anything where I can only eat certain kinds of food. I *would* cheat. So instead, I’m counting calories.

I found a great program for my blackberry called “Ascendo fitness” and let me tell you, it’s amazing. I carry my phone with me everywhere I go, so it’s the logical place to track my eating habits. I’m only on day 2, but so far it’s been really interesting (and slightly tedious, as half the stuff I’m eating I have to put in manually). It doesn’t just track calories either. It also tracks everything on the nutrition labels, so I’m seeing how much fat, cholesterol, carbs and sugars I’m eating every day. I love it! It tracks my exercise too, though I’m not too sure on the accuracy of that. I worked out hard today with my trainer, and when I input all the data it said I only burned 98 calories! No way!  I asked my trainer and she guessed closer to 300. So, even though that’s not too accurate, the diet portion is and that’s the important one.

I need to lose around 80 pounds to be in the healthy “weight” category for my size/age/gender.  I’m not too worried about the numbers on the scale, but for now that’s really the only way I have to measure my goal. I’ve never been skinny, so I don’t know how skinny I want to be!

But to get anywhere close to that goal will require discipline. I don’t really have that. I’d like to think I do, but honestly? I fail at doing what I need to do in a lot of ways. Yeah, sure, my bills are always paid… But I don’t read my bible near as much as I should, and I don’t keep up with the housework as much as I need to. And obviously I am not disciplined in my eating habits. So hopefully I’ll start to improve a bit at a time.

Wish me luck!