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Two things. First: today is a good day. Not only did my wonderful, amazing, fantastic husband sleep slightly-less-comfortable last night so that I could get a good night of sleep (by sleeping with the bed at an angle, which makes me sleep deeper and him sleep lighter for some reason), but the visit with the doctor seems to have actually helped my breathing. A steroid shot in the hip seems to have reduced the swelling in my nose to the point that I can, once again, breathe. That plus two new prescription allergy medicines (xyzal and singulair) and I have FINALLY.. FINALLY woken up without feeling like I needed to immediately take a pain killer for the pressure in my head. Thank you Jesus!! Modern medicine once again helps!
Waking up able to breathe, feeling like I got enough sleep, it’s amazing what those two things can do for a person. I feel brand new. I feel like if this keeps up, I’ll be ready to start working on some other projects. Projects to help me get more balanced.
I initially thought that my primary goal this year was to get to my target weight. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize it is much more than that. When I think about how much work the weight loss is going to take, I realize that my REAL goal this year is to obtain a little bit more balance in my life.
See, I want to get down to my target weight (160) and I was doing REALLY good until December. Have you ever made 500 cookies over the course of a month and NOT put on a few extra pounds? So I was at 190 (I am putting my numbers on the internet, WHAT!) and now that the holidays are over I’m back up to 200.
200 isn’t bad – still better than my max weight of 250 (ohmywordIjusttypedthat) – but I have a extra problem there that has prevented that number from going down in the first half of the month. I’m going to say it. Are you ready? I quit smoking. Yes, yes, I smoked. I’m not proud, and most of you probably didn’t even know. It’s terrible, I know, but I honestly enjoyed it. I didn’t smoke around Benjamin, and I had quit when I was pregnant, but I didn’t stay quit. So anyways, I finally made up my mind that even though I enjoyed smoking, it was going to slowly kill me (and I didn’t want to die from something so stupid), so I quit. I’m done. No more. Not another single one in my life, I hope, so help me God.
But with me quitting smoking I’ve been having a very hard time controlling my eating. It’s kind of like, I finish a meal and I really want a cigarette but I can’t have one, so I think: “Oh, I’ll just have seconds, or maybe I can have something sweet to reward myself for not smoking!”… yeah. Not good. So one of the ways I have tried to cut down on my calories is by drinking more coffee in the morning. I’m up to about 4 cups before 10am on the days I work.
Do you see where the balance thing comes in?
I’ve been trying to be cognizant of these issues, even if I haven’t really taken much action to prevent the overeating. I’m self-aware enough to know that I can’t just change all my bad habits overnight. It’s frustrating, but luckily I can be patient. I have to ease in to this or I’ll stress myself out to the point that I cave and smoke. I don’t want that, but I also don’t want to be overeating.
Balance.
I think if I can figure it out, 2012 may be my best year yet.
Core dump, because I need to .
Marriage: Awesome, as usual. Justin and I took a lovely 3 day/2 night trip to Galveston before I started back to work. We stayed at a lovely bed and breakfast and spent a ridiculous time people watching at the beach. We had an absolute blast. Benjamin stayed with my cousin Teresa and behaved himself.
Benjamin: Holding his head up like a champ! He likes to play flying baby and he spends a lot of time sitting with Mommy on the couch watching Daddy play call of duty. We’ll discuss the merits of infants watching video games later. He doesn’t cry when we watch Daddy, so it works. Justin is desperately trying to get him to say “Dada” as his first word, and it’s so cute I hope it works. We’re slowly starting to integrate sign language into our communication with him. We know it’s early but we figure if we get into the habit now, it will be easier for us later. I’m still not able to exclusively breastfeed; apparently the trauma of the end of last month was just too much. I’m drinking the nasty tea, I’m taking the fenugreek and still seeing very, very, very minor (if any) changes. But thank God I’m still able to provide a little – I know so many who can’t – so for now he’s a breastfed/formula fed baby. And he seems pretty happy with that. He’s definitely happy he’s getting fed enough food now, that’s for sure!!
Work: I started back to work last week and it’s amazing and fun and just as great as I remember. I will say it again: I don’t think I could happily be a stay at home mom. I am truly a better person for working the job I work and I can’t imagine not doing it.
God: I’ve been reading my bible almost every day for the past few months and it’s been pretty amazing. I’m actually reading parts I haven’t read in years (like Job and 2 Corinthians) and remembering how much I love them. I also just started an intense study on Daniel with some ladies at church and so far it’s pretty awesome. We meet on Tuesday afternoons and I only get to go on my days off because really? An extra 2 hours without sleep on Tuesdays just wouldn’t work for me. But the study at home is awesome and I’m really enjoying looking at scripture more in depth.
The other day Justin and I were talking about how we feel like we’re wasting some of the gifts God has given us – but neither of us know how to start utilizing them better. Not to mention when to find the time. But it’s something we’re thinking about and praying about and we’re just hoping God will help us figure out what to do.
Health/Etc: Ooof. Here’s the big one. Working on changing my diet (not going on a diet, but changing my habits) and exercising more to bring my weight to a healthy number. Right now it is not a healthy number. I’ve never been one to obsess about the number, but I would like the size of my pants to decrease, ergo, must lose weight. I’m working on a modified version of Atkins.
Let me tell you. I did Atkins back when it was a popular fad diet (my dad was a diabetic, he did it, sue me, I lost 35 lbs on it!) and the Atkins of today is not the Atkins of yesterday. This focuses on whole foods, lots of veggies and drastically increased the allowed carb count for the first phase of dieting. Due to breastfeeding (and not wanting to lose too much weight too fast) I’m skipping their first phase and going straight to what they call “ongoing weight loss.” So far I’m down 15 lbs since early August. I’m going for slow and steady here so even though I COULD be losing more I’m not trying to. Although my weight loss will definitely increase in the next few weeks as I am going to start… dun dun dun… training to run a 5k!
Ok. “RUN” is a bit of a strong word for what I’ll be doing – most likely just jogging and walking. I’m going to be following Fitness Magazine’s “Beginner Training Plan: 6 weeks to a 5k” and I’m starting it…. in 4 hours. Nervous am I, yes. Last time I tried running I got shin splints that WOULD NOT GO AWAY. I’m hoping this time I can prevent them, and I’ll also be working out on a treadmill so that should help. I’m nervous. I’m writing about it so you guys can keep me motivated. The 5k is to benefit Officer Reed’s family and I really want to help them out any way I can. It’s good incentive when I’m already signed up for the race, ya know? Kind of have to prepare now!
The bonus here is that I get acclimated to running, which is something that I’ve always wanted to do but never been able to manage for a cornucopia of different reasons. Forget “choosing an exercise you enjoy!” I chose the one I’m the most scared of. Heaven help me!
Anyways. Justin said if I get down to a target weight that I’ve set that he will take a dance class with me. Yes, I do have the best husband ever, and no you can’t have him. 
It’s good motivation for me because I love dancing and am absolutely terrible at it. Once I get down to a healthy weight for myself I’ll re-evaluate my diet and see if I want to stick with the eating plan I’m on or if I want to change it to one that has more carbs. So far I’m doing good limiting myself to “real” food – I’m not doing any of the bars, or using any of the super-processed-fake-foods that Atkins and the other brands have. In fact, I just saw some fake low-carb flour but it had so many ingredients I couldn’t pronounce I didn’t even consider it. Boo on fake food! Yay on being healthy!
I’ll let you know how my exercise goes this week. And if I can, I’m going to try to keep updating a bit more often.
We shall see.
Went in for my 3 hour glucose test today. Worst part about going in at the end of the week is that I won’t get the results until MONDAY. That’s like, A LOT OF DAYS AWAY. Sigh.
After I did that I picked Justin up from work and he asked me how it went, he knew I wouldn’t get the results till Monday but still asked how I fared in general.
“I failed. I know I failed!” This is every bit as dramatic as it looks.
“How do you know you failed?” he says to me, incredulously, knowing I can’t possibly know the blood results yet.
“I just know I did. I mean, I don’t mind so much having the diabetes, really, I know it’s temporary and really only for like a bit over 10 weeks. So I’m not too worried. I am just upset that I failed.”
He’s quiet for a minute. I continue:
“I guess that’s kind of silly, isn’t it? But I’m most bothered by the fact that I’m going to fail the test, more so than the fact that failing it means I have gestational diabetes.”
“I was going to say – you sound like a perfectionist who just got a C on a term paper.”
“Yeah. That pretty much sums it up.”
I’m an idiot, I know. It’s nice to have a husband that knows me so well, but also difficult and self-revealing.
And I know I’m going to fail lots of things in life. It’s not the failing so much as failing A TEST. Yeah, I know I can’t study for it, but I also know that my western diet is partially to blame and that makes me feel guilty. Like I should have studied harder. Or something.
In the meantime, I’ll wait. And feel ridiculous for being upset about failing a test (that I don’t actually know for sure that I failed).
29 weeks pregnant today, woooohoooo!!
Three hour gestational diabetes testing tomorrow morning, booooo!!!!
But really, if the only major problem I have during this pregnancy is gestational diabetes then I won’t be able to complain too much.
My blood sugar on my one hour was pretty high. They want to see it under 140, and after an hour it was 165. Ouch.
I can tell you what part of the problem is. Part of the problem has been my drastic change in dietary habits. I hardly ever eat meat anymore, and if I do it’s a minor part of a meal (for instance, Italian sausage in spaghetti or ground beef in tacos or the bacon in a BLT). It wouldn’t be completely accurate to say all meat makes me sick – chicken does – I can’t even stand the smell of it. But it’s more like I have lost any desire whatsoever to partake in meat. The idea of a steak is something that I can identify that I used to enjoy, but currently would not. So I’m just about as close to vegetarian as I’ve ever been in my life.
So, I’ve been eating more veggies and fruits and grains. And if I’m completely honest with you: more fruits and grains than veggies. And what do fruits and grains do? Raise your blood sugar.
So it’s not surprising that I’m having the diabetes issue, but it is frustrating. I’ve already had issues finding food to eat, and you’re telling me the foods I have been eating I can’t?! Sheesh.
If the three hour test comes back positive then I’ll start experimenting, see what raises my blood sugar too much and what doesn’t. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to get away with my 100% whole grain bagels and cream cheese, but maybe not my easy mac? We will have to see. I can’t have the glass or orange juice at the end of the day, but maybe I can have an orange with breakfast? I’m not stressing it out, except that to fail at diet control is to give up my birth at the birthing center, and I don’t want to do that. Ideally I’d like to just pass the 3 hour, but I’m 99.9% sure that I won’t.
On to other matters…
I got a TON of stuff done in Benjamin’s room. Which is to say it still looks like a complete disaster area, but I sorted through all the stuff in the closet, assembled the 9-cube closetmaid cubicals and got all the clothes that have been given to us so far in the closet. They’re organized in 2 different areas by size, which is good enough for me for now.
The thing I did that I’m the most proud of in his room actually has little to do with him and everything to do with me. You see, I sorted through my old stuffed animals. I had a huge box, and I sorted through them and I only kept a few.
Saying goodbye to some of those stuffed animals (like the teddy bear I’ve had since my first Christmas) was ridiculously hard, but wouldn’t have been possible two years ago. I’m not sure what changed, but I do have a few theories. My husband and his hatred of clutter had something to do with it. But most of all I think it was seeing my parent’s house and the massive amount of junk they had kept throughout the years. I vividly remember sitting in my parent’s master bedroom with a pile of junk around me just a week or two after they died. I remember being angry at them for having birth certificates next to the bed in the same pile as current bills. After we’d discovered two bottles containing every single tooth us 5 kids lost growing up (seriously, it was pretty gross) I swore to my sisters that the madness of hoarding would stop there.
I’m realizing more and more that I’ve been a mini-hoarder in my own ways for years. I never had it to the same extent my parents did (and they didn’t have it to an extent that would have qualified them for the crazy depressing TV show), but I have no doubt if things were different I could have gone down the same path. Every time I throw away something else that I’ve held on to for years I’m letting go of some of that hoarding mentality. The stuffed animals were a pretty big step. Probably the biggest yet.
So the stuffed animals are sorted, Benjamin and any visitor children to my home have a makeshift toy box, I’m making great leaps and bounds in my crazy and I’m slowly but surely making my house a home fit for a baby. My belly is getting rounder and my ankles aren’t swollen yet. Life is good.
Well, today marks 27 weeks into my pregnancy. I thought I’d offer up an update since I haven’t kept up with my journaling like I wanted to.
I feel great, for the most part. Oh, there are aches and pains and heartburn the depths of which I could never have previously imagined…but there is also so much excitement and hope and joy that balance it out. How can temporary heartburn dampen my excitement about my coming offspring? I think for me, so far, one of the best parts about being pregnant is seeing my husband get excited about it. I’m eager to meet my son, but I’m just as eager (if that’s possible) to see my husband become a father.
I haven’t done nearly enough around the house, but the things I have done have helped. I’m slowly getting his future room cleaned, and good incentive for that is not being able to buy the things I want until it’s clean. For those that haven’t heard, we’re doing a science theme (I let my husband picked, but I’m happy with his decision) and trying to make the room look like a classroom. So think a cutesy border around the ceiling, posters on the wall about atoms, periodic tables, anatomy, and picture an old school solar system model as a mobile (that will probably be done by yours truly, who never really had to do any science projects). The babies room is also where I have my library, so unfortunately he’ll have to share his room with my ridiculously insane book collection… but he’s my kid, so I don’t think he’ll mind too much.
We’ve got most of the nursery decorations picked out; we’re getting them from Mardel’s in Cedar Park because they have good prices and a huge selection of home school supplies that will work perfectly. Well, either there or from Electricboogaloo who has adorable stuff like this and this . I haven’t found a place to get a mobile kit yet and I’m thinking that I’m just going to have to order one off Amazon. I thought about getting the basic pieces via etsy (think this) but I don’t know how difficult that would be, and I kind of like the idea of painting it myself.
My friends Leslie and Trent found an amazing baby carrier for us at a yard sale, it’s a Snugli cross terrain carrier and it’s MASSIVE. I’m actually letting my brother and sister-in-law borrow it for Keegan because when he visited he really liked it. It’s definitely a carrier for an older baby (Keegan is 10 months and was perfect in it) and that puts me in need of a good carrier. I really like the idea of baby wearing for a lot of reasons – ease, comfort, and closeness is only a few of them. It’s also a lot easier to carry a baby on you than in a stroller and taking a walk with an extra 10 or 20 pounds attached to you has GOT to be a great way to get extra exercise. Based on the tons and tons of reviews I’ve read, I think I’ve just about settled on a Wrapsody. Their material they use is widely recognized by reviewers as one of the best for hotter climates, and in case you didn’t know, I live in Texas. Hot climate is our middle name! They are also stylish without being overbearing, highly flexible as the child grows, and something that I might actually be able to get Justin to wear. They’re also priced right, so super bonus.
Next week is my glucose tolerance test, and I’m a bit nervous about it. Mostly nervous because this is the first truly recognizable opportunity for me to develop problems that would list me as high risk and bump me into the hospital from the birthing center for my delivery. I’m taking care of myself and exercising and eating right, but it’s still a possibility I don’t like! I love the ladies at the birthing center and love the philosophies shared there. If something happens, it happens, but I can still hope and pray for the perfect pregnancy until proven otherwise.
Birthing classes start April 8th! Bradley method style, 8 weeks long, should be a fun journey. I’m going with Justin and my cousin Teresa, both of whom will most likely be in the room when I deliver. Assuming I don’t turn all evil and scream for everyone to leave (which I reserve the right to do!)
I decided that I hated the book about breastfeeding by the La Leche League, and changed to The Nursing Mother’s Companion which I absolutely LOVE. It’s got basic starter info to prep you, and then the rest of the book is devoted to problems you’ll encounter and ways to fix it, all arranged really conveniently. And in this book there is a decisive lack of judgment on attachment parenting, letting your kids sleep with you until they’re 5 and strangely absent is the guilt trip about returning to work. Yay!
The only other thing to really write home about is going to the chiropractor. I’ve been before, but I wasn’t impressed with the one I had met here locally and the one I loved was down in Houston. When walking Monday I felt a horribly sharp pain on the left site of my hip/butt area that Leslie said sounded like the sciatic nerve. No pain going down the leg though, so it was kind of odd. Went away eventually, but I decided to go ahead and bite the bullet and go to the chiropractor. My friends Chad and Rebecca had been singing the praises of Dr. Doug Falke at Live Oak Chiropractic so I called and made an appointment to see him first thing Tuesday morning. I was a little skeptical (sorry guys, just being honest!) but he more than surpassed any expectation I had for him. I’ve had this nagging random pain in my right foot for almost 2 weeks now, I mentioned it in passing and he fixed it. Pop, wiggle, twist, done. Fixed! No pain! It was so weird!! Now, the back pain I’ve been having hasn’t gone away, but I did have relief for a while (most of that day) and I think it’s going to take a bit longer to fix that since it’s been a problem for years. He also popped my elbows and my ribs and my clavicle and identified an issue with the tendons in my stomach being off due to my hip problems and he fixed that too! He’s the first chiropractor I’ve been to that has actually addressed more than just back issues.
No, I’m not getting a discount or anything for reviewing him, but I AM excited about my follow-up appointment Friday morning. I was initially dreading having to go to a chiropractor again, but now that I’ve gone once I’m excited about going again!
So anyways, long winded post but that’s my life as of right now in regards to baby. Yay!
Justin and I have been doing a lot of things differently this week, some of which have been inspired by my pregnancy, some of which come of necessity for general health.
See, we’ve been planning our meals. Now, for two people who work full time (often times at opposite shifts) and are relatively secure in our finances (although we can always save more, etc) we have been getting away with eating what’s been convenient. Not healthy, mind you, convenient. And it’s been great – except the fact that our vegetable intake consisted of the lettuce on our big macs. Ok. I’m exagerating slightly, but you get the picture. Let me backtrack.
Since I got pregnant I’ve started doing small things in the house because I realize that by becoming a mother involves things like keeping the house relatively clean so the baby doesn’t eat the leaves the dog drags in. And making sure that even if I don’t, the kid is getting healthy meals (when it’s old enough to eat meals and not just milk). I realize more and more that I need to be doing things not just for the babies sake, but for mine and Justin’s sake. If the roommates benefit, all the better for them, but the main focus was Justin and I.
I started reading flylady months ago, but never started. I wasn’t ready, and she recommended something that I’m terrible at: baby steps. I’m not good at them and neither is Justin. I can’t start out every day with some small habit, I’ll get bored. But if I write a control journal and say that I’m going to clean for 15 minutes every day and do three or four other things, then by golly I can do that. We started about a week ago, and so far it’s working great! Well, great on the days that we’re not completely exhausted. The days like today, when I come home exhausted and Justin’s been at work since the afternoon with a migraine and working until who knows when… those days are days where I don’t have anything special planned. Just, you know, survive. That’s good enough. Baby steps, right?
We also started shopping the sales and planning meals, which brings us back to the original topic. I found a website that took planning meals to a basic level. Pick one meat and two veggies per day – don’t plan what to do with them, just plan the basics – and be done. That works great for us because that way we can still decide how to work it out at that particular time. If I tried to plan how I was going to prepare the foods I would have unnatural amounts of pressure, obsession, and hours wasted planning because of my OCD nature. You can’t even imagine. So with this plan we found a roast on sale! Yay! So we paired carrots and potatoes with that. Might have worked out great, but who knew I thought roast was disgusting? Of course, that might just be the pregnancy talking: I’ve had a weird relationship with meat since about week 8. I was hoping it would go away, but it seems to be sticking around. Justin’s a big meat eater, so as long as we plan the meats/veggies a bit more carefully than we did the roast it should work out ok. We’ve even planned enough to have leftovers for work the next day.
Here are things we could improve on:
- Don’t plan every day eating something new. Sometimes (like today) we just want to eat a bag of popcorn and watch Law and Order: SVU reruns. This should significantly cut down the cost.
- We don’t need 2 pounds of meat for the two of us to eat two meals. YOU DO NOT EAT A LOT OF MEAT, especially not 1/2 a pound!
- Keep the meat and vegetables relatively separate within the meal.
- Plan on any crock pot meals to be done on Tuesdays or Wednesdays when someone is off work and can keep an eye on it. This would ensure the potatoes get done on time.
- Invest in some better storage containers to take to work. Good storage means we’re more likely to take our lunch.
There you go. Lessons learned from week 1.
Next week is Christmas, I feel kind of odd starting all these “new” habits mid-December. But why put that much pressure on myself in January? For a new habit to stick, I just need to be faithful. We’re crossing my fingers.
Hopefully I’ll have more regular updating here in the next few days. I’m working on my yearly recap. It’s not pretty, but it’s true. That says something, I suppose.
For those of you that don’t know me, I’m a little fat. Ok, really, I like to say I’m big boned and slightly curvy but the real truth is that I’m fat. I am smart and dress to conceal it (or at least not let it hang out…) so most people don’t think I’m as fat as I am. But yeah.
In March, when my parents died, I started putting on more weight. It was understandable, I was stressed out and grieving, etc. I don’t blame myself for starting to gain weight, but as I was already feeling slightly self-conscious I decided to do something about it.
So, scheduling was a pain and it took me a bit to find out what to do. I knew if I wanted to get serious about getting healthier I would need someone to keep me accountable. So back in May I hired a personal trainer. I’ve been working out over 3 months and I haven’t lost any weight. Weiiiird right? I know! But the real reason I haven’t is because really, I love food. And I live with people who also love food. And I love to bake bread, and do so weekly. The statistics just aren’t in my favor.
So, I finally decided that I needed to change how I was eating. I don’t want to diet, I don’t want to do weight watchers or anything where I can only eat certain kinds of food. I *would* cheat. So instead, I’m counting calories.
I found a great program for my blackberry called “Ascendo fitness” and let me tell you, it’s amazing. I carry my phone with me everywhere I go, so it’s the logical place to track my eating habits. I’m only on day 2, but so far it’s been really interesting (and slightly tedious, as half the stuff I’m eating I have to put in manually). It doesn’t just track calories either. It also tracks everything on the nutrition labels, so I’m seeing how much fat, cholesterol, carbs and sugars I’m eating every day. I love it! It tracks my exercise too, though I’m not too sure on the accuracy of that. I worked out hard today with my trainer, and when I input all the data it said I only burned 98 calories! No way! I asked my trainer and she guessed closer to 300. So, even though that’s not too accurate, the diet portion is and that’s the important one.
I need to lose around 80 pounds to be in the healthy “weight” category for my size/age/gender. I’m not too worried about the numbers on the scale, but for now that’s really the only way I have to measure my goal. I’ve never been skinny, so I don’t know how skinny I want to be!
But to get anywhere close to that goal will require discipline. I don’t really have that. I’d like to think I do, but honestly? I fail at doing what I need to do in a lot of ways. Yeah, sure, my bills are always paid… But I don’t read my bible near as much as I should, and I don’t keep up with the housework as much as I need to. And obviously I am not disciplined in my eating habits. So hopefully I’ll start to improve a bit at a time.
Wish me luck!
